Bit of a strange title, why on earth would I willingly share things I’m struggling with?
Because I know that sometimes when you look up to some who is a figure of fitness, health, happiness or authority, you can hold this belief that they have their sh*t together always and aren’t flawed.
That’s actually something I struggled with myself starting out, I thought I couldn’t be seen drinking or eating a take away because what sort of an image does that put out, certainly not the image of health? (or at least as we believe it to be).
I find sharing my struggles takes vulnerability on my side, and I believe being vulnerable and talking about your weak areas is the best way to create trust and connect with others.
What would I gain by pretending I’m perfect and have no flaws or struggles? I’d just seem superhuman and relate to nobody, thankfully that’s not the case..
Here are the top 5 things I struggle with at the moment
- Acceptance, falling in love with the in-betweens.
- Allowing good things to happen to me.
- Negative self talk.
- Fear taking over.
- Being okay with not chasing extremes.
Acceptance
Falling in love with the in-betweens. What I mean here is being okay with being in the middle. We often feel the highs and lows of our mood, we embrace the mornings and evenings and the ups and downs of “success” and in doing so, we can fall down with being okay with being in between or in the middle of these things. It’s something that seems so unfamiliar to me, as I previously thought things had to be all good or all bad.
I’m learning to be okay with not doing things, with having days in business that aren’t a success or a failure and learning to be okay with a feeling of contentment rather than happiness or sadness. This can also translate to enjoying the process in your weight loss and not waiting to hit a low number every week to be happy.
Guilt
Allowing good things to happen to me. When I first moved out to Spain, I felt serious guilt. I thought of everyone who was jealous, who would love to be in my position and everyone stuck in wet, rainy Ireland. But when I started to question it a little more I realised that deep down, that was translating to me not feeling like I deserved to be where I want to be, to have what I have and want.
I spent a lot of my time trying to survive and just get by. Whether it was struggles with mental health and depression or struggles with anxiety I was always just trying to get through things. I know I am not alone in this according to this study.
Now that I’m in a position where I’m not being held back and life is going well for me, it feels so unfamiliar and it seems like something I tell myself I don’t deserve. It’s transpiring that this feeling of undeservedness is actually deeply rooted guilt.
Negative self-talk
I started counselling again recently as the negative self-talk started to take over at the start of this year. It actually got to a point where I was getting very uncomfortable sitting with my own thoughts and I recognised something was up and needed to change. I speak openly about my struggles with negative self-talk and overwhelm in my podcast here. These types of anxiety symptoms and negative thoughts are far less frequent now, as a result of doing over 4 counselling sessions so far and working a lot on my inner narrative.
Fear taking over
I also have been struggling with fear taking over (in very small but significant ways). I would be in the gym or out in public and finding myself struggling to say hello to a stranger, introduce myself or take risks. These are very little things but over time they compound (like mentioned in this article.
Once I brought awareness to what was going on I started to change. Now everytime I see someone in the gym, I make conversation. I sat on the plane back to Spain and had a conversation with a sweet older lady who sat beside me, which I initiated (something I wouldn’t have done a few weeks ago when I let fear take over).
As a result of facing that fear, I not only gained confidence and strength, I got to learn a bit about her life, her son and the child she fostered. I did the same thing in the taxi on the way to the airport, I got to know the driver and he told me a bit about his life and how Salthill, Galway used to be in the summers 20-30 years ago (he ended up giving me a fiver off the taxi fare and I left wanting to tip him. He thanked me for the conversation and my time).
Extremes
Being okay with not chasing extremes .I have also been struggling with this. For years I was chasing extremes. Whether it was a bodybuilding show, a photoshoot, running a charity team build trip in Africa, doing runs or working myself into the ground. I felt chasing extremes was not only the only way to go about life, but necessary. I’m learning that this has actually been an attempt to distract myself or keep myself busy.
Sometimes just simply “being” is okay, and I’m embracing that this year. (I considered signing up for a marathon and various other big goals but I stopped myself because they just weren’t for the right reasons).
I hope you find value in me sharing the things I currently struggle with and how I’m overcoming them.
If you’re struggling with something right now, you feel I could help you with just reaching out. This is not a jab at giving me money, my emails are always open for a chat.
